When Fear Pulls Up a Chair
There are different kinds of fear. There’s the quick kind that spikes then fades; that sudden moment of panic that leaves you shaking, like when you have a near miss while driving. And there’s a second, slower kind that settles in and lingers, staying quietly in the corner, occasionally speaking up to complicate things. It grows in places where problems, pain, or suffering stretches on longer than expected. Maybe it’s financial issues, a loved one’s struggles, lingering sickness, or in my case ALS. It’s sometimes overwhelming but more often it’s just steady, persistent, emotionally draining, and very, very real. There are moments when it feels like a terrible beast hunting us in the dark and others where it feels familiar; almost reasonable.
I’ve spoken of fear before. I’m not talking about a fear of Satan’s attack or a fear of what comes after death. I know where my hope rests. It’s fear of what the last few moments in this life look like. Will I be gasping for breath or choking on my saliva in the middle of the night with no one to hear my struggles? Maybe I get sepsis or some other infection during one of my ever-increasing ER visits. Or it could be in hospice, drugged up so I can’t even recognize my loved ones. None of these options sound particularly appealing. One thing is for sure, my life doesn’t belong to me, so I don’t get to choose when or how I check out.
But it’s more than just worrying about what the end looks like. I worry about my family’s spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical health. My wife and children who help care for me are burning themselves out. Some gave up lucrative careers to take care of me. I love them for it and never want to take them or their sacrifices for granted. But what happens after I’m gone? They’ll be, who knows how many years older, and starting from scratch. What about my grandchildren? It’s already hard enough not to hold them or play with them. The fact that they will only ever know me this way is terrible, but the thought that I might not see them grow into the amazing men and women I know they will be is sometimes crushing. These things and so many more scare me.
What About the “What Ifs”
God doesn’t ask me to pretend the fear isn’t there. He does something better; He comes alongside me and asks to take that burden. David wrote, “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.” He’s not denying fear, he’s acknowledging it then choosing where it goes. Fear by itself becomes a black hole, pulling you inward. It gives you tunnel vision, shrinking your perspective and narrowing your world. It fixes your eyes on the “WHAT IFs,” “IF ONLYs,” and the most dangerous of all, the “WOE IS MEs.” In other words, the endless possibilities of everything that could go wrong.
God wants us to cast ALL our burdens on Him. The Psalms say, “cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you”. Peter wants you “casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” The writer of Hebrews tells us Jesus can relate and says, “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” You see, God asks for our fears and struggles but He also asks for our faith and trust; lifting our eyes past the moments of “what could be” and fixing our gaze on “what is.”
The Steadiest One in the Room
That’s where God’s character becomes everything. Because feelings and fears are unreliable. They rise and fall with circumstances, pain, exhaustion, or how one day happens to unfold. But God doesn’t. He is the Rock, the Fortress, the Unchanging One who inhabits eternity. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. That means His character isn’t tied to my comfort. His presence isn’t dependent on where I am in life. And His strength is not weakened by my weaknesses. His faithfulness and His Word become an anchor. A fixed point unmovable by the storm of emotions caused by my fears. He’s that steady something to hold onto when everything feels unsteady.
So, while that persistent fear of the realities of living in a failing, Fragile Body continues to sit in the corner, Christ stands at the center of the room, immovable. The Faithful God, taking my frustrations and panic and giving me hope by reminding me that this is temporary, but His promises are just as eternal as He is.
He doesn’t say this life is easy. He never said suffering would be brief, but He did promise something stronger. “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” Not will overcome someday. Has already overcome!
Final Question: What “what if” do you most often have to surrender to God? Let me know in the comments.
“God is our refuge and strength [mighty and impenetrable],
A very present and well-proved help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change
And though the mountains be shaken and slip into the heart of the seas”
Psalm 46:1-2 (AMP)
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