What Does Love Look Like
ALS is a humiliating disease. One of the crueler things patients can look forward to is the loss of smooth muscle function around the intestines, which means the body can no longer perform peristalsis, the passive action that moves food through the digestive system to be eliminated as waste. Avoiding graphic detail, we eventually reach the point where someone else must help with even the most private parts of bathroom time. It’s humiliating not only for the patient, but for the spouse who loves them enough to step into that humiliation with them.
The last few times this happened, I found myself asking, “God, how does this glorify You? I know it does somehow, but I don’t see how. It’s an indignity for both me and my wife.” Then one night, a few weeks ago, it hit me like a bolt of lightning. Ephesians 5:22–33 speaks of marriage as a type and model of Christ and the church. The husband is to represent Christ, and the wife is to represent the church. When my wife combs my hair, brushes my teeth, helps me dress, or does the many things I can no longer do for myself, she is displaying the church in humble servanthood, charity, and loving submission to the glory of our great God and King, Jesus.
What Love Really Means
There is a Hebrew word I love: “hesed” or “chesed” (חֶשֶד). It appears about 250 times in the Old Testament and carries one of the richest ideas in all of Scripture. It’s often translated “steadfast love” or “loving-kindness,” but those phrases don’t reach its depth. The simplest explanation I can give is that hesed is a supreme, covenantal love marked by loyal commitment despite circumstances. It is the kind of love that binds itself to another person and remains there in the worst of times. Even when the other person is difficult, weak, or undeserving, hesed stays. Not merely because a promise requires it, but because love itself wants to remain faithful. Even that only scratches the surface of this beautiful word.
The Jesus Storybook Bible describes hesed as “Never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love.” It’s a beautiful way to explain such a profound idea, especially to children. And honestly, a parent’s love for a child is one of the closest pictures we have of it. Children can be selfish, stubborn, and exhausting without much effort at all. Yet even in tantrums, meltdowns, and disobedience, loving parents do not abandon them. They correct them, discipline them, and teach them, not because they are cold, but because they want what’s best for them. That kind of faithful, costly love gives us at least a glimpse of Godly hesed.
Ours vs His
God’s hesed is perfect, and Scripture celebrates it everywhere. One of the clearest examples is Psalm 23. Verse 6 says, “Surely goodness [hesed] and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever.” The entire psalm is saturated with hesed. “I shall not want”—that’s hesed. Green pastures and still waters? Hesed. Restored souls, paths of righteousness, His name’s sake, fearing no evil because He is with us, His rod and staff (used to protect, guide, count, and discipline), comfort (even in the valley), a table prepared before our enemies, all of it is hesed and mercy poured out by a perfect Shepherd.
Humanity, on the other hand, does not do so well with hesed. Scripture gives a few beautiful examples, like David’s love toward Jonathan and Jonathan’s son, but more often it reminds us that we’re quick to promise loyalty and just as quick to withdraw it when the cost becomes painful. Our love wavers, commitments weaken, and covenant faithfulness often evaporates the moment it becomes inconvenient.
When Vows Become Real
But hesed is, at its heart, holy commitment—a covenant love. When Jesus freely offered His body and blood for us as the new covenant, He displayed perfect hesed. He didn’t love us halfway. He didn’t commit Himself conditionally. Jesus gave Himself fully, faithfully, and forever. Our response should be one of reciprocal love. Not because we’re obliged, though we are, but because true love longs to give itself back. The right response to Christ’s hesed is not reluctant duty, but joyful, painful, wholehearted devotion.
So where am I going with this? When my beautiful wife said, “I do,” promising to love and honor me for better or worse, in sickness and in health, those weren’t empty words to her. She’s lived them. She’s shown me, in ways I was too blind to fully appreciate, an image of the church’s faithful love and service. My wife has been demonstrating hesed to the glory of God. And to my shame, I have not always noticed it, praised it, or sought to emulate it as I should have. But no longer.
Final question: What example do you have of someone’s hesed in your life? Share in the comments. Let’s turn this comments section into a celebration and monument to holy love.
“So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”
1 Corinthians 13:13 (ESV)
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