Fragile Body: Faithful God

The Personal Struggle When God Seems Silent

The other night was a rough one. I’m not going to pretend that I’m doing well. One of the challenges as ALS advances is the loss of muscles in the throat that help you swallow. As a result, you suffer from a buildup of spit and mucus and if you don’t get it suctioned out (like the spit suction at the dentist’s office) you run the very serious risk of choking and drowning. For me this gets worse at night when I wear a full facemask for my ventilator. This restricts access to my mouth, and the mask fills up with the nastiness that oozes from my mouth.

There are medications designed for no other purpose than to give you cotton mouth, but insurance doesn’t like to cover them. Apparently it’s not a major medical concern to not drool, never mind that pesky drowning business. I do have some medication, but getting it was a pain and it’s certainly not the most effective form of the medication. So, the night issues persist at times.

The other night, my family had to get me up multiple times so my wife could literally jam that stupid spit wand down my throat to vacuum the junk out. About the 3rd time this happened, all of us were exhausted, and I just broke down. My wife could only hold me as I wept and continued to try to hack up whatever was in there with lung and throat muscles that no longer have the strength to hack. I was angry with God. After they got me back in bed, I laid there having a very one-sided conversation.

Crying Out to God When Nothing Feels Okay

“Where are You? Why won’t You listen? Why do You hate me? Do something!” The pity party continued for a while. But eventually, I acknowledged that: One, I know where God is in all of this. He’s seated on His throne in glory over all creation. Two, He knows me. God hears when I cry out. He knows my struggles, my pains, and how much it hurts to watch my family sacrifice their mental, emotional, and physical health to help me. Three, He doesn’t hate me. He loves each of us in ways so profoundly deep, I can’t understand or put into words just how much. And finally, He IS doing something in this. It’s just not what I want.

Isaiah 55:8 says, “…my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways…” But in all honesty, that doesn’t comfort me. It frustrates me. I wish I could know the mind and plans of God. But I don’t reject universal truth because I’m frustrated. I can’t fly like Superman; do I reject gravity because I’m frustrated?

Solid Truth in a World That Feels Less Than Solid

The simple truth is, God exists. We can discuss the cosmological argument, the ontological argument, the contingency argument, the teleological argument, the anthropological argument, the moral argument, the argument from miracles, the argument from consciousness, the list goes on and all of it points to a Creator. If you don’t accept that then you’re rejecting universal truth out of frustration.

I’m not a Christian because I expect to get anything from God. I long for miraculous healing and want nothing more than to hold my wife and tell her I will care for her again. But I’m not a Christian because I expect that to happen. In fact, we Christians are given a great many things. The best and most important gift being that we’re forgiven and brought back into right relationship with God. But even if God never came down; if Jesus never died on the cross, I would still worship Him. Why? Because He is the Creator of the universe. He deserves all worship, honor, praise, and devotion simply because He is the I AM. Not SOME worship, honor, praise, and devotion. Not all MY worship, honor, praise, and devotion. HE DESERVES ALL worship, honor, praise, and devotion, full stop.

Hope and the God Who Loves Us

I’ve been a little confrontational, but this is the single most important thing. We each need to recognize our place in relation to the God of the universe. I can say I’m like an ant to God, but in that analogy the ant and I have more in common than God and me. The ant and I are created beings. And no matter how hard I try, I can’t create something out of nothing. In fact, if the ant could comprehend its existence long enough to worship me as a god, the ant would be guilty of worshipping the created instead of the Creator. We also each need to acknowledge our sin and the need to repent, be redeemed, and restored. We have declared war on the One who made us and we need to surrender and submit to Him. To that point, God’s redemption is straight forward and simple:

1. Accept that you’ve done wrong. We all mess up and sin against God. Repent and ask God for forgiveness.
2. Accept that you need help. We deserve God’s fair punishment for our sin, but we can’t fix it ourselves. Ask God to save you from punishment.
3. Accept that Jesus paid the price. Jesus loves us so much that He died on the cross to take the punishment we deserve. Thank Jesus for this gift.
4. Accept Jesus. We believe Jesus is God and King, and we accept His gift of forgiveness and new life. Declare Jesus as your God and King and follow Him.

An Appeal for Acceptance and Understanding

Do this and you are saved and justified in the eyes of God and you’ll be in sweet, glorious relationship with Him! I know it seems simple. That’s because it is. Many get hung up on how simple it is because we naturally want to earn something by the sweat of our brows. However, no amount of sweat can pay God that debt we owe. But praise God, He knows that and used His own sweat and blood to pay it for us. Not because we deserve it or are good enough but because He loves us that much!

Please consider what I’ve said. Consider the glory and greatness of God. If you have questions, please ask. But I beg you, pray for God to reveal truth, even if you don’t believe in God or prayer. Cry out to Him in honest, faithful seeking and He will be faithful to answer.

Final Question: Was there a time you struggled and cried out to God, and how did God answer your cries? Let me know in the comments.

“The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;”
Lamentations 3:25 (NIV)

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