The Problem with Knowing Something Too Well
I love Psalm 51. Most Christians do but my love for this psalm was ingrained at a young age. I can remember my dad talking about it at the dinner table. I’d memorize portions for Sunday school. I even remember singing a version of it with a bunch of other kids in a pageant of some kind. I’ve read it dozens, maybe even a hundred or more times in my life. So much in fact that I missed the point of David’s lament until much later in life.
Have you ever become numb to something because you were around it all the time? The ticking of a clock, the glow of a neon sign, the smell of sweat when exercising, or even the constant background distractions of a crowded room eventually no longer seem to register. That was me. I’d read Psalm 51 without real understanding so much in my youth that in my adult life I’d become unconsciously blind to the true meaning, beauty, and wonder of this amazing passage. It’s taken years to retrain my mind (for a lot of scripture honestly not just this one). I’ve had some real clarity over the years, especially recently being wheelchair bound and losing many distractions.
When a Familiar Line Finally Hits You
So, I was reading Psalm 51 and verse 11 jumped out at me. We as Christians can’t lose the Holy Spirit. We might be removed from a position of authority or lose status for grievous sins like adultery, and rightly so. But that wasn’t the case in the Old Testament. The Holy Spirit was bestowed, usually at an anointing and represented God’s choosing of an individual to hold a particular office or position of authority. If God removed His Spirit, it meant He was removing your anointing, your position, your authority. He would essentially take everything.
David was pleading with God not to reject him or remove the Spirit, because that would be rejecting David and his line as the chosen kings of Israel. But there’s more to it than that, in my opinion. I think David was terrified of something much darker than God taking the throne from him and his offspring.
A Legacy of Failure
In 1 Samuel, we see Saul being chosen and receiving the Holy Spirit. It starts, “Then Samuel took a flask of oil and poured it on his head and kissed him and said, “Has not the LORD anointed you to be prince over his people Israel?…” And ends with, “…and the Spirit of God rushed upon him, and he prophesied among them.” But in chapter 15, Saul messes up so bad that Samuel tells him, “…you have rejected the word of the LORD, and the LORD has rejected you from being king over Israel.”
In the next chapter, we see, “Then Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him [David] in the midst of his brothers. And the Spirit of the LORD rushed upon David from that day forward. And Samuel rose up and went to Ramah. Now the Spirit of the LORD departed from Saul, and a harmful spirit from the LORD tormented him.”
The Fear Behind David’s Famous Prayer
David would later be hired as Saul’s personal musician to ease Saul’s mind. But David watched as Saul descended into madness, attacking his loved ones and even tuning on God’s chosen priests. David had to suffer watching the man he loved as a father becoming a monstrous unrecognizable tyrant. Eventually, Saul’s rebellion cost him and all his sons their lives.
David was so well acquainted with Saul’s madness that he was able to convince the king of Gath he was insane. Many criminals today have tried pretending to be insane. It’s not something you can just do. The sin of Saul and his resulting madness was deeply personal to David and probably haunted him for years. It nearly cost him his life multiple times, it stole a father figure and a best friend from him, and it even caused a rift between him and his wife, Michal.
David Puts His Humanity on Display
David’s sins were technically unforgivable. Sacrifices were only for accidental sins. Premeditated murder was a death penalty every time. That’s why David says, “For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it”. In David’s mind God would have been completely justified abandoning him.
David wasn’t just worried that his family wouldn’t sit on the throne. I think he was scared he would lose his mind and his whole bloodline would be blotted out. And all of that tied to God taking the Holy Spirit and turning His back on David.
Final Question: What do you all think? Have I tapped into a primal fear David may have been experiencing or am I way off base? Let me know in the comments.
“Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a right and steadfast spirit within me.”
Psalm 51:10 (AMP)
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